I have certain mottos that I live by

- when entering a room, wag

- when in doubt, wag

- when sniffing, be wagging

- when uncertain, wag

- when reprimanded, look sorry, but still wag

- when told you're cute, wag, wag, wag. Rub your eye with your paw, too.

- just in case, wag

Surprisingly a lot of my friends didn’t know this.

When entering a room, they would simply walk in and look around. They ended up lying on the floor, not a lap. You’ve got to make things happen, man!

When sniffing out food, they would just make a grab for it before confirming its edibility. This made many of them sick. Sniff and wag, sniff and wag! Confirm, then eat while continuing the wag.

When facing an uncertain situation, they would bark. Can you believe it? Of course, they were told to knock it off and never discovered what had started the barking in the first place. Who was at the door? What was that thing that ran behind the tree? We’ll never know.

Sure, they know to burrow their nose when they’re told they are cute. But add the wag and you add five more minutes of affection guaranteed.

That’s why I created Federated Wag Dogs. We are a legion of dogs who wag constantly. It makes any situation better. It gets you treats. It makes owners happy. It makes us happy.

We are taking America by storm. If you or someone you know would like to join Federated Wag Dogs, send a b-mail to federatedwagdogs@yahoo.com.

Human? You can join, too. I know you don’t have a tail to wag, but you do have a smile to smile.

My name is Fetch. I am a Federated Wag Dog and I approve this message.